...................

wish I could just start over. clean slate, the works!!!!! i feel like I have totally ans utterly fucked up everything that i have tried to do in the last 2 months. i thought i was doing the right responsible thing and all this time all i was doing was digging deeper and deeper into the mire of despair. I've alienated friends, made friends hve to choose between me and others............lost people who meant the world to me and i was too scared, too ashamed or just too damn proud to tell them when i felt like my world was crashing down and now all i have is the ruin of my crumbled existence all around me. someone in the cafeteria today asked me if thats despair that they see in my eyes..........is it really that obvious......??? cant even get enough willpower to call the ones i love to tell them that i miss them and that for once i just want to be held and told that things will work ou. mum i love you and I'm sorry for all the time that i lied that i was fine and then i'd curl up in bed and stare till morning coz i have no clue where next months rent will come from..........Habibi, I'm sorry for all the times i was too scared and ashaamed to ask for help. all the times we'd talk and i'd die inside coz i couldn't tell you how i'm doing. I am so fucking afraid i cant even do anything anymore.............i'm so tired of swimming. all i want is the comfort of drowning. who'll share their strength with me. I've left so many friends behind I'm too scared to ask for help. why was i so fucking selfish??????so fucking self centred. so goddamn proud!!! is there anyone out there to help me save myself????????.............guess its up to me to pick up a spade and start shovelling all this shit outta my head and start afresh. who'll gimme the chance?......................anyone????

s'been a while, but things done changed!!!

Hey pples. its been forever since I've been here. last time I posted things were really f***ked up in the land of the poljkes and velds aka South "f**ck'n" Africa. thats all in the past now. got my ass outta that sling and right into the coldest frigging spot on the planet I have ever been to!! Yup I'm finally in good ole col' Finland. no wonder the poor sods always look a bit uptight. Its coz of the frigging cold. have to keep your shit tense just to generate enough heat to survive!!!!!! anyway wacha nisijichomee wire na hawa wadhii just now. but really the place and pple are cool............(Literally as well >:-D)and I'm finally getting that degree I swore I'd get. just pray things work out huku.

I'mhere in SA and it feels like I have no idea why I came. i love flying and all but sometimes it feels like the pple here just want to show me how much I cant. Have been having a really shitty week. and either way all this ends tomorrow. i have tried to prove myself to them. maybe thats my mistake. should have tried to prove to myself that I can. and I know I can. but thats not always enough. Ihave to prove that I can. Well,tomorrow shall show it all. Wish me all the best world, coz my future rests on one assesment flight tomorrow.
ps stressed like a muthafucker right now!!

I'mhere in SA and it feels like I have no idea why I came. i love flying and all but sometimes it feels like the pple here just want to show me how much I cant. Have been having a really shitty week. and either way all this ends tomorrow. i have tried to prove myself to them. maybe thats my mistake. should have tried to prove to myself that I can. and I know I can. but thats not always enough. Ihave to prove that I can. Well,tomorrow shall show it all. Wish me all the best world, coz my future rests on one assesment flight tomorrow.
ps stressed like a muthafucker right now!!

PRESS FREEDOM : LETTER TO KIBAKI

Press Freedom: Letter to Kibaki

Dear President Kibaki,

On March 2, 2006 armed police raided the headquarters and printing plant of the East African Standard Group. In addition to destroying equipment including the printing presses and burning newspapers, they shut down the Kenyan Television Network television station.
This latest attack follows the jailing of three journalists from the East African Standard newspaper, attacks on the Citizen Weekly, and ongoing harassment of journalists by government-sponsored forces.

I urge you to:

1) Condemn these attacks in the strongest terms possible.
2) Dismiss any member of your government who played a role in the attacks.
3) Live up to your promise to support freedom of the press.

Please copy and paste a copy of this letter on your blog.

You may alter the wording to suit your needs. Campaign started by Keguro.

kenya going to the dogs

its been a while but lets just say this blogging thingis notexactly my kettle of fish.but sometimes someone does something so goddamn stupid, insensitive or morally disgusting that I can't helpbut comment. and when I thought the world had gotten as bad as it can get some New Zealand woman goes and cuts the human race a whole new level of low.

I'm sure y'all are aware of the famine in kenya and hw the Government's beenasking for aid and this whole issue has been in the media.So what does this New Zealander react? She chooses this crisis facing living breathng human beings, more so shildren as an advertising platform. Apparently she owns a dog food manufacturing company. so she decides to donate 40 tonnes of dogfood to the starving children. Now,before anyone gets me wrong, I have no problem with people who eat dog food. And I have no problem with someone actually donating that food to starving individuals. My beef with her hoe the fuck do you make such a big mediassue about it being dog food. couldn't she call it some kind of nutrition mix?Or better still, take all that money and buy actual human food. Or is it because it was African children starving. I'd have loved to hear what the world would have had to say if the Katrina victims were offered this "nutritious and yummy dog food" that she "loves to sprinkle on her porriage in the morning "coz of the" kick it gives her"! Why not offer us the damn prriage instead? HAs africa's image become so bad that all people can think about is how to make money out of our predicaments? But I guess thats what we get from always depending on the more affluent neighbours in this global village!
OK I'm sure someone is thinking"maybe thats the only way she knew to help out?"Personally I do not think so. If it was any other continent's children starving do you really think that offer would have been made. HAs Africa fallen so low that we cannot even be offered crumbs from the developed world's table? IS it really true that all we have to be content with is the scraps from their dogs feeding bowls? HOLA AND ANSWER ME. Better yet, answer this woman's tauntwith action. 3.5 million Kenyans are atrisk of starving to death. thats like 1 in every 10. what can we do about it? ama tuwache wakidi wetu wadishi hiyo Yummy and nutritious dog food that will give them a zing when they put it in thei porriage.................ohI forgot. they cdont even have the porriage to sprinkle it on.

Silence?.................Please!!!!

I've always read that speech is silver, and silence, gold.But when has silence ever said what someane really needs to hear? When has it eever told you how loved, missed, cherished, adored, needed you really truly are? When has silence ever MADE you feel those emotions that take you to the highest peaks of extasy, or those that take you to the highest echelons of heaven, leaving you floating on cloud 9? Has silence ever whispered those three little words that we all love to hear? Like "I love you" or "I miss you" or "I'm proud of you"? (ok 4 little words :-D)
To me it would seem that speech may be silver, and be gold,but words are living, breathing, timeless reminders of those special moments frozen in eternity. After all, when has silence ever echoed into eternity? Or who is remembered for their moments of silence?